The storm diary of Useless

Hurricanes and typhoons are the same thing with different postcodes. I’m called an eraser here and a rubber in the UK. I know how they feel. NOAA Ocean Service: Hurricane or typhoon?

The eye of a hurricane is calm and clear. The eye of Useless is googly and confused. Similar, really. NASA Space Place: How do hurricanes form?

Hurricane Hunter planes are nicknamed Kermit and Miss Piggy. I asked to be nicknamed Kermit. The answer was no. Apparently it’s taken. NOAA Aircraft Operations: Hurricane Hunters

A hurricane can be 300 to 500 miles across. I’m about 5 centimetres across. I measured twice. I rubbed out the first answer. Met Office: What are hurricanes?

Storm names come from six lists that repeat every six years. My name comes from one list: things people have called me. It’s short. National Hurricane Center: Tropical cyclone names · checked 31 Oct 2026

Nobody can have a hurricane named after them. I wrote to ask anyway. Hurricane Useless. It has a ring to it. A small, rubbery ring. National Hurricane Center: FAQ

Run from the water, hide from the wind. I hide from the pencil sharpener. We all have our own hazards. NOAA Education: Hurricanes

Hurricanes need sea water of at least 27 °C. My bath is 27 °C. I am now nervous about my bath. NOAA JetStream: Tropical cyclone introduction

A hurricane can pick up two billion tons of moisture a day. I can pick up two crumbs a day. Three on a good day. Met Office: Dangers of tropical cyclones

Storms spin anticlockwise in the north and clockwise in the south. I spin whichever way I’m dropped. NASA Space Place: How do hurricanes form?

Hurricanes weaken over land because there’s no warm ocean to feed them. I weaken over homework. Same reason, roughly. No snacks. NASA Space Place: How do hurricanes form?

The Atlantic season peaks on 10 September. My peak is around 11 a.m., just after biscuits. National Hurricane Center: Tropical cyclone climatology

Hurricanes can’t form at the UK’s latitude: the sea is too cool. The UK gets weather instead. Lots of it. Met Office: What are hurricanes?

In the north-west Pacific, storm names include flowers, foods and animals. I’d like to be named after a food. Possibly toast. Met Office: How are hurricanes named?

NASA calls hurricanes the most violent storms on Earth. The most violent thing I’ve done is rub out a full stop. It was a strong full stop. NASA Space Place: How do hurricanes form?

A hurricane watch means hurricane conditions are possible. A warning means they’re expected. My teacher uses the same system for spelling tests. NOAA Ocean Service: Hurricane watch or warning?